What I want:

I was going to tell Fonce, tonight. I could not put it off a moment longer. Especially if he really had already sent Serge off to fetch him something. I knew Fonce would not sell my daughter and I for little more then a song. I knew he would make it difficult to win me.But Serge was not a man easily put off, he was a Tuchuck warrior. If Fonce gave him a challenge he would rise to it, and then take it one step farther.

The evening started wonderfully. Fonce and I teased each other. I made him laugh and he made me blush. He asked me to wash the dishes and I took great pleasure in.. not doing them. I served him water and reminded him how well behaved I have been. I knew how much it would upset him if It were I chained to a wagon wheel for thinking I was above the law of the Ubar. I wanted Fonce to look at me and see only the best parts of me.

There was a small skirmish, the Ubar got rid of some silly woman and Fonce came to crouch my the fire. I was behind him, on the furs.

"So what changed your mind about Serge .. Asria." He said. Do you hear it? The pause before my name? I want to eat that pause and own it.

"I have not changed my mind... I never wanted to mate Serge. I just knew you thought it was a good idea and I did not want to be a burden to you for ever.." I folded my hands primly in my lap in some girlish attempt to seem poised and self assured. "But I would be very.. very unhappy to be the woman of Serge."

"I never told you I thought it was a good idea .. I simply asked you if you wanted him around and you told me there were worse men in fact I believe I made for damn sure to tell you there were indeed better men."

My face got hot as I watched the back of his head, his shoulders and they way they were set. "I did not really hear you properly then. I wasn't ready to listen yet." I reached up to pull my hair over one shoulder and run my fingers over the thick ridges. "But I.. am ready know, I know there are better men."

Skies did I know it.

"Next time I ask you .. what you want ... answer me honestly instead of trying to think ahead for me. You will most likely get it wrong."

"Will you still ask me what I want if you know I will be honest?"

"I would still ask you what you want even if I knew you would lie to me Asria .. it is just my way, but .. you will be much more comfortable if you let me give you the things you actually want and need."

"Ealier I said you were lucky to have me for a ward, because I am so terribly well behaved. Maybe I am just a little bit luckier to have you for a guardian."

He smirked. "Remember you said that .. because I am going to remind you of that and I have a feeling I will be reminding you ... a lot."

That's when it happened and I will remember this very moment for the rest of my life no matter which path I take. There was something like a snap inside of my belly and a surge of bubbles came rushing up to the tense surface of my soul. I suddenly felt.. things. Like I had felt when I realized I was pregnant, but softer, and sharper all at once. This was harder to understand, harder to wrap my head around. I had to pay attention to my breath.

"I won't need much reminding. I promise." I finally spoke. I wonder if he heard the change in my voice or if he was as lost to it as I was.

I was filled with a desire to please him. Not like a slave or even as a free woman, or his ward, or his friend.. I just wanted to please him as a person, for no reason at all, with no expectations. I needed to make him happier, make him feel like I felt all the time. I wanted to share my bubbles like could scoop them up from inside of me and offer them in my hands to him.

I should have known it couldn't last.