Wait up!

After Fonce left the fires, everyone looked at me. I felt about an inch tall. At first I did not think I had really upset him, that there was something else going on that had worked it's way into this mess. But the way the Ubar acted? That got me all screwed up. He shook his head with disapproval and looked at me. The Ubar's look does not taste like Fonce's look but they still have that weight to them.

I did not wait to be spoken to first. "I will talk to him again, soon. When he has calmed down." I offered quietly.

The Ubar chuckled. "I believe that I heard that he was calm once, about twenty snows ago."

I smiled. "If he did not care about me, he would not be so bothered by .. which clan I should be in, right?"

Yamka spoke up then, with an air of disbelief.. "You can switch clans?" She seems to have decided I am the enemy lately and she and I rarely speak. She is another person I need to track down and do some digging with. I was not even sure that was what the problem was at all. I pushed up to my feet and picked up my cup to refill it with cold water. "No one is talking about that Yamka, I think is about why I am in the clan of Year keepers at all. Or maybe just about.. making my own choices."

Ayguili shrugged at Yamka. Changing clans had to happen now and then, sometimes people sucked at what they did and would be better off as something else. "It has been done before. Tell me Asria, why are you a year keeper?"

"It was just assumed I always would be.. My parents were and I was mated when I was only sixteen, Trayu and his family were all year keepers as well. No one ever .. asked me."

"Most of my family are singers, does that mean I have to be a singer too? Are you happy being a year keeper, and do not hedge, that is a simple question." He looked at me hard, making me feel small and confused. Nothing new!

"I am not unhappy with it Ayguili, but I know that is not the right answer. I am not, you might say.. your most traditional year keeper, I know that too."

"What are you happy doing? "

I smiled faintly. That was the simplest question in the world and I had no freaking idea. "May I have some time to think about that, Ubar? I do not want to be too hasty with such an .. important question."

"Asria, life is too short to spend it trying to be something that we are not. You need to give this serious thought, and if the clan is not right for you, we need to see if we can find one that suits you."

My hands had come together, clasping before me with rather intense worry. "I want to be useful to the first wagons as well, Agyuili. I will have a lot to think about."

"Asria, I will give you one piece of advice. Fonce is like me and most men. We want straight answers, simple answers. We do not have time for verbal sparring. Keep that in mind, along with what I told you the other evening. Think on your words, before they pass your lips. "

I left shortly after, with so much cluttering up my normally streamlined thoughts. I was still unconvinced that Fonce was entirely upset with me, or that I had said something I should not have said. I did not know I had not given him simple answers or tried to verbally spar with him. And what's more.. every time I spoke to the Ubar, every single time, he brought up that I did not think before I thought. I was beginning to feel like I was being slowly caged. I was standing on a platform and letting people build bars of thier own design around me every day. Mezoo and Seveya were going to be accepted to the first fires any day now.. but me? I was still standing on the platform, admiring the bars.

The only person in the harriga I wanted to speak to.. was Fonce.