Feverish

Leis point of view

I wish my mother would stop running her finger along my nose, it tickles and my hands feel too heavy to push her hand away. Plus it makes me feel super sleepy. My eyelashes are heavy too, like they got dipped into the stream and little rocks got stuck between them. I cannot open my eyes and I want too! I whimper, I can't help it. I can hear my mommy talking to me, or maybe singing and I like that. I can't look at her but I like to know where she is. Her hands are cool on my cheeks and it feels good. My face feels so hot and my body feels so cold. I shiver and she pulls me closer to her. I would smile if my lips didn’t feel sewed shut. Eventually I fall asleep and I like that the best because when I am sleeping I am not hot and cold all at once and my mommy never stops singing to me inside of my head...

I am sitting on top of the wagon, the wind pulling at my pigtails. My Mother is sitting on the steps with a square of silky pink cloth in her hands, she is painting something on it, or maybe sewing, I can see the needle now going in and out of the fabric like a little wave.. "Is it for me?!" I call down to her but.. She doesn’t hear me, she’s too far away! The wagon grows taller as I sit there and I start to cry, I don’t want to be this high up! Suddenly there is a loud pop and I am falling.. but I am not falling down, I am falling up. I tumble in the sky, with the clouds and I can still see my mommy down there like a tiny ant sewing her pink cloth. 'Is it for me?" I ask again, softly and she hears me, even though I am way far up in the sky..

"Yes." She says and she smiles up at me, her eyes look pink like diamonds. "Everything is for you Lei."

I try to reach for her but I can't.. I am too high again and now the wind is cold and icy. It pulls at my skirt and tears the fabric.. My dress isn’t yellow now it's all black and grey! Oh I hate it! I hate black and I hate grey, I hate shadowy things in my dreams. I scream angrily and feel something snap, like a rope. I look up and realize I am falling down again but I can see my daddy up there! he really is in the sky! I don’t want him there though and I try to climb back up towards him but the more I climb the faster I fall and he smiles at me. My Daddy smiles at me. I am crying now and I can’t stop, I hate to cry! I am not falling anymore, I am back in the wagon with my mother.. and she’s still singing to me. My face feels wet and hot again and I don’t know if I am dreaming now or not.

She sees me crying and pulls me closer. She’s crying too I think, my eyes are still too heavy to open. She stops singing and I hear her taking a drink of something. I hear her sigh.

"Don't cry Lei.." She tells me, her finger on my nose again, running over it from my forehead tot he tip... but I don’t stop crying, not today. Today I just cry all I want too.