Hope

This morning I was born again and a light shines on my soul

This morning I was born again, I was born again complete
I stood up above my troubles and I stand on my two feet
My hand it feels unlimited, my body feels like the sky
I feel at home in the universe where yonder planets fly

This morning I was born again, my past is dead and gone
This great eternal moment is my great eternal dawn
Each drop of blood within me, each breath of life I breathe
Is united with these mountains and the mountains with the seas

I feel the sun upon me, it’s rays crawl through my skin
I breathe the life of Jesus and old John Henry in
I give myself, my heart, my soul to give some friend a hand
This morning I was born again, I am in the promised land

This morning I was born again and a light shines on my land
I no longer look for heaven in your deathly distant land
I do not want your pearly gates don’t want your streets of gold
And I do not want your mansion for my heart is never cold.
-Woody Guthrie

I have not yet shared my secret though I tested the waters with Fonce and Cana. I am hopeful after speaking with them. Fonce offered his help to the strange woman who I told them about and he does not even know her so I should think he will be three times as eager to see that I have all I need. He also allowed me to borrow Catch here and there if I need her and I do, none of the slaves I have spoken with have seemed likely to suit Lei and I. They speak to Lei like she is an infant and neither of us likes that much.

Cana was just as I hoped she would be, eager to help and see to the womans comfort. I wonder if people realize how lucky they are to be able to count on her as a friend. I have been related to people who would be less helpful then Cana has been to me or would be to a stranger. She always sets aside her own heart to hold the hearts of others.

I have not even told Lei but I really do think she already knows. I want to tell everyone at the top of my voice but at the same time I don’t want to tell anyone. I am not so eager to let loose my secret and how close it makes me feel to Trayu. Nature will not let me keep my secret very long though.. Already there are physical changes, noticeable ones. Not like with Lei where no one could tell nearly till the end. The second time around my body seems to know what to get ready for. It is amazing and... embarrassing.

I have not seen Serge in over a hand now, he has not come by when I am cooking and I wonder whose fire he is frequenting now. I am pleased not to see him honestly; I hope he has found someone else to pressure in that quiet way. Sometimes the things that are left unsaid weight the most. I was not eager to tell him about what’s happened. Speaking of which.. I am not eager to tell Fonce now that I think about it. Perhaps he will not be all that eager to take care of me, perhaps he will simply be all the more eager.. to ... to pawn me off to the first willing man. I had not thought of that and suddenly.. I feel hot behind my eyes and under my skin.

I will have to take comfort in that perhaps.. There will not be any willing man. Who would want me like this?

Nobody sane.