I had skipped the branding activities and I knew what would follow. Questions. Lots of them. Because I was trying, quietly, to become one of the first fires, I was expected to be there. It was a chance to show I was one of them, willing to work as hard as anyone else. But I knew I did not belong there, branding is no place for a woman in my condition. What happened to Yamka is a perfect example of why.
So I suppose I have no one to blame but myself for what happened later. I couldn’t stay away long, I was still feeling like all my happy was about to go from hot simmer to boiling over in the blink of an eye. I had to share myself with people. I suppose that sounds funny but it is the simplest way to describe how I was feeling. I needed to share my shiny feelings with every single person I met and leave my finger print on their smiles.
I may be the corniest pregnant woman there ever was.
I found Mezoo there and Ayguili, and I immediately set about making tea and sitting beside Mezoo. I have not seen her lately though we have exchanged waves and glances. There is something she wishes to tell me, I can tell, there is a promise of it in her gaze. I am pretty sure she sees the same promise in my own. While I was not ready tonight to spill my secret I hoped she was ready to spill hers.
Cana and Tarra arrived soon after and I wanted to tell Cana about Tug’s visit but that seemed too delicate a thing to bring up before others, even if they were friends. I wanted privacy when I told her about my conversation with her oldest son.
Right about then is when my shiny happy bubble got trampled all to hell.
“Are you losing weight, Asria?” Mezoo asked.
“No, are you? You look thin, I will bring you some cake later, it’s got some citrus in it..” Or something of the sort, I know I offered to feed her.
“Are you feeling all right Asria?” Cana next.
“Your clothes are too big, Woman.” That was Ayguili. Et tu, Brute’?
I like to think I am a calm woman, I am rarely inspired to anger but anger is only one emotion. I am easily stirred up and I felt cornered, even a little threatened. I wanted to protect my secret still. But I could feel too many eyes on me. Tarra said the least but stared the most. My skin felt alive with their gazes. Ayguili demanded Cana see that I have better clothing and I, too quickly and too rashly, said no. It was for Fonce to see that I had what I needed, that he was responsible for me.
Did you hear what I said? I said Fonce was responsible. Cana, immediately got up and left and I think Tarra was beginning to stew. I considered going after her, to see what the matter was but it was late and Magda can get a little.. strange at night. She is not well known in her clan but she is a haurspex and while I respect her and trust her.. she scares me half to death. I do not like when she starts teaching my daughter words I do not understand and songs I do not know. So I did not follow Cana, or say anything else. I left instead, in a hurry, anxious and unnerved. I had not told anyone about the baby yet but I think they were figuring it out. Especially Cana who has come to know me so well and Mezoo who is more.. tuned in then most.
I am running out of time.
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