Lei and I rejoined the fires well after supper last night. I wished we could have eaten with everyone else but I still had loads of meat of my own, that Tabuk of Fonces to finish up and I think Lei needs lots of down time right now. She and I returned to find the fires full of women. It would prove to be an interesting night.I had apparently missed some kind of argument which suited me just fine. I do not argue much, I try not to step into other peoples business. As Lei and I sat the conversation went suddenly to grilling Seveya about.. Skies I am not even sure what that was all about.. Someone asked about killing Tuchuck's and Tarra seemed to be on edge. I stayed kind of quiet because I have to admit I was growing frustrated at Seveyas inability to see thier point and, honestly, thier refusal to see Seveyas point.
No one was having the same conversation.
I tried to tell Seveya about her smiles but that I did not think Ayguili would find that answer very charming. I even tried to help explain to Tarra and the others about individuality. I do not think they understand what the artist means by individuality. It doesn't mean separate at all, a person can be part of a whole and still thier own. Imagine how dull the plains would be if we were all the very same! In the end I still do not think Seveya understood them, nor they her.. She is going to have a very rough and lonely road ahead of her. I think perhaps Seveya forgets that really.. we are all painters, we do not ask the artisans to paint our wagons, we do it ourselves. We are all painters. Therefore a simple painter, with new ideas or not, is not a simple contribution. Seveya needs to see that she is so much more then that and then show them.
The more I think about that... the less I want to have this same conversation with me on the hot seat. If anyone asked me today what I brought to the first fires I would have little of value to say. I bring my smile? I bring herbal tea? I bring a heavy heart and a fatherless child and a kailli that wants to kick my ass and a little girl with more sense then most grown men. Useful? I do not know, not yet.
Finally something distracted everyone and the conversation changed.. but it only went from bad to worse. Seveya wanted to know how I got Fonce to talk to me. Fonce spends a good deal of time around me but not because he enjoys my company, which he does I think, but more because it is his duty. Seveya pressed me and I enlisted Cana's help. I know Fonce well, but Cana knows him best. All I really had to tell Seveya was that she ought to be more up front with him. When you want to tell Fonce something you just say it. He does not like to play games, he does not chase women because they demand it. In fact if Fonce is chasing a woman.. she is probably running for her life.
Cana then said that Seveya had been acting Coy with Fonce and that likely upset him. I have to agree really, though I did not say so. I get the idea that Seveya has designs on Fonce and I don't really like it. It makes me very uncomfortable! I am a little possessive over him right now. I need him. And anyway.. Cana had a point, no matter how much Seveya denied it she was playing word games with the warrior.
I did tell her that Fonce was so busy right now.. he had his own wagons, his own slaves, then my wagon, then Oren's, Astar, Mezoo.. the boys and even Silken. Fonce was looking after us all, it was a wonder he had time to eat, let alone sit and chat at the fires. If he left suddenly, it was likely because of that. Ealier I had thought it was I, maybe, who sent him away but now..
My head hurts this morning.
Poor Fonce. I mean that too.. Seveya is going to try and speak to him alone to explain herself, Silken is having a life crisis, he just took his position back and is assisting the new Ubar and now here I was.. standing at the fringes of his chaos because I needed to know something.
How am I useful?
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