Dear Trayu,
I think I dreamed of you last night. I was running in a sea of gray, running like death itself was licking at my ankles. The wind was silent, too silent. All I could hear was my own breath as it scratched at my throat. Something grabbed my leg and I screamed without sound, without breath. A flock of yellow birds sprung from a tree as if startled by my silent scream. But there was no sound and the sudden splash of color enthralled me. The long fingered hand I had felt on my leg slipped away and suddenly, strangely.. I heard a bell.
No, not a bell.. it was deeper then a bell, more like a gong but sweeter. I stood still in a desert of gray, the yellow birds fading in the distance and only the sound of the deep, sweet bell. My soul stopped trying to climb out of body and everything, everything in the whole world was still as my breath.
Three times I heard the sound and on the third one it lingered, growing louder, resonating in my bones and filling up my head. It came from the left and wound around me to the right, I felt it slide though my ears and erase my fear. The sound consumed me and cradled me there, the wind started to pick up, spinning a ring around me and I raised my arms to the sky in offering. The yellow birds came back and one of them broke free from the flock.. tumbled to the ground before me. The sound rang out again and the little bird looked up at me, helplessly.
"Pick it up Asria, pick it up Asria."
I heard you whispering to me and tried to turn around but I was stuck in the grass. When I looked down I saw it creeping up on my ankles, pulling me downward and everything started to go gray and black again. "Trayu!" I screamed and heard myself this time, I finally made a noise. I felt the the ground swallowing up my feet in the space of a breath and I heard the bell fading away. I struggled, falling backwards on my rear and leaning forward to claw at the grass and vines that pulled me relentlessly deeper. Sucking me down into oblivion. I was sobbing, my hair was sticking to my wet cheeks and I was beginning to bleed from my own scratches. "TRAYU!" I screamed again but you were gone and I was alone and drowning, fading, sliding down into the ground!
"Take my hand little girl."
The voice was not new, I had heard it before. A mans hand took my own and pulled me upwards. It was not you, Trayu, but who? As I stood, my skirt falling around my battered calves, the grass recoiled, the vines dissipated into a fine mist. I searched for the man as he let of my hand but I saw nothing but empty sky. How could I feel him but not see him? Who was he? Who is he?
I woke up in a sweat, the linen dress I swore was clinging to my skin. I was shivering and dizzy. I ached for you, I needed to climb into your hands and let you hold me. I didn't want to go on for one more second without you here.. and then Lei opened her eyes beside me and wiggled over to curl up in my arms. I breathed in the sweetness of her and I understood the dream, I think. I couldn't let it suck me down, I couldn't give in to my own sorrow. But who was it Trayu? Who's hand I am supposed to take?
I love you,
Asria
I think I dreamed of you last night. I was running in a sea of gray, running like death itself was licking at my ankles. The wind was silent, too silent. All I could hear was my own breath as it scratched at my throat. Something grabbed my leg and I screamed without sound, without breath. A flock of yellow birds sprung from a tree as if startled by my silent scream. But there was no sound and the sudden splash of color enthralled me. The long fingered hand I had felt on my leg slipped away and suddenly, strangely.. I heard a bell.
No, not a bell.. it was deeper then a bell, more like a gong but sweeter. I stood still in a desert of gray, the yellow birds fading in the distance and only the sound of the deep, sweet bell. My soul stopped trying to climb out of body and everything, everything in the whole world was still as my breath.
Three times I heard the sound and on the third one it lingered, growing louder, resonating in my bones and filling up my head. It came from the left and wound around me to the right, I felt it slide though my ears and erase my fear. The sound consumed me and cradled me there, the wind started to pick up, spinning a ring around me and I raised my arms to the sky in offering. The yellow birds came back and one of them broke free from the flock.. tumbled to the ground before me. The sound rang out again and the little bird looked up at me, helplessly.
"Pick it up Asria, pick it up Asria."
I heard you whispering to me and tried to turn around but I was stuck in the grass. When I looked down I saw it creeping up on my ankles, pulling me downward and everything started to go gray and black again. "Trayu!" I screamed and heard myself this time, I finally made a noise. I felt the the ground swallowing up my feet in the space of a breath and I heard the bell fading away. I struggled, falling backwards on my rear and leaning forward to claw at the grass and vines that pulled me relentlessly deeper. Sucking me down into oblivion. I was sobbing, my hair was sticking to my wet cheeks and I was beginning to bleed from my own scratches. "TRAYU!" I screamed again but you were gone and I was alone and drowning, fading, sliding down into the ground!
"Take my hand little girl."
The voice was not new, I had heard it before. A mans hand took my own and pulled me upwards. It was not you, Trayu, but who? As I stood, my skirt falling around my battered calves, the grass recoiled, the vines dissipated into a fine mist. I searched for the man as he let of my hand but I saw nothing but empty sky. How could I feel him but not see him? Who was he? Who is he?
I woke up in a sweat, the linen dress I swore was clinging to my skin. I was shivering and dizzy. I ached for you, I needed to climb into your hands and let you hold me. I didn't want to go on for one more second without you here.. and then Lei opened her eyes beside me and wiggled over to curl up in my arms. I breathed in the sweetness of her and I understood the dream, I think. I couldn't let it suck me down, I couldn't give in to my own sorrow. But who was it Trayu? Who's hand I am supposed to take?
I love you,
Asria
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