I dream in yellow

Water. I did not fall into this dream gently as most dreams start. There was no soft beginning, no gentle mist. I was awake one moment, tucking in Lei and streched out on my belly by the dimming light of a brazier and the next thing I knew I was under water, way down deep. Out of fear I gasped and tried to swim upward but my hands met solid wall.. ice or glass. I was trapped beneath the water, the red dress I wore was twisted up around my thighs and I could feel the water weeds pulling at my feet. Once more something was trying to drag me down. I could see Lei though the glass, she was sitting on the edge of the water, in the grass, her face smiling as she waved at me like it was only a game we played. I breathed in the water, felt it fill up my lungs.. I was not giving in, only allowing it to do what it wanted. Once I knew I couldn't last another moment the glass shattered and spilled into the water in a million dancing twirling shimmering shards, they brushed my skin and I recoiled, but they did not cut, they felt like feathers, softer then cotton. I was mezmerized, under the water at the center of all this dazzling reflection, my legs swung slowly and I gently rose to the surface. The moment I broke free I felt the burn in my chest that I had not felt under the water and I screamed for Lei. Once again no sound left my lips! I rushed to the shore, leaving the fragments of glass in my wake and scrambled onto the grass. I was dry now, the scarlet dress swung loosely about my knees and my daughter was gone.

And then I heard the humming bell.

Scarlet is the color of lust.

Ibrought my hands up and pressed them hard against my ears. I did not want to hear that bell! I knew it brought the birds and with them.. all the feelings I wasn't facing. I was right. The birds came in a flock of blinding yellow, the color of sunshine, the color of happiness... my pretty yellow birds were a clever joke. They brought me no life, or happiness. They brought the whispers of my dead heart. Trayu.

"No, Asria. The answer is no."

His voice was not sweet or gentle, it was angry and hurt. I uncovered my ears, they did no good shutting out the sounds and the bell swirled around me again, closing me up in its sound. I knew the question he answered. I had been asking him for days now without even realizing it.

"I do not wish to wait!" I shouted at the emptiness, stifling the humming. A cherry tree in the field blossomed into color; it glowed with large ridiculous pink flowers.

"You are not ready." He replied inside my head and now the large absurd flowers withered and died. He was right. I was still trapped under the glass, I was still afraid to break it and run wildly on the ground. I could not move forward if I did not move backward first. This time no one came to save me, no one tried to pull me down.

I did not wake suddenly but slowly, the sun was warming the wagons and I heard the pitter patter of rain on the leather. I lay on my side, not in a red dress, but in my own brown tunic, my gaze fell on my daughter and she smiled.

"Don't cry Mother. The skies are singing for me today."