Happy Birthday

Today little Lei... you are five summers old. Not winters, or springs... you are summer. I made honey oat cakes while you ran around with your friends and when you came back you shared them with all of the other children. I watched quietly and with a smile. I wanted to memorize the way your yellow dress bounced against your shins as you ran and the way your hair streamed out behind you. When you laughed I was surprised that bells did not ring to join you. I saw you tuck away a cake for Also and I wondered if I did the same thing when I was five for your father. You did not stay long at the fire after having your cake and opening the small gift I gave you. I made you a little crown of white daises and I know you will be wearing it until it crumbles into dust in your hair.

Trayu should be here with us. He should be stealing extra cakes before they are done cooking and teasing you about Also. I was left sitting by myself by the fire with a wooden plate of honey cakes. I picked at them quietly. You were long gone when Serge appeared. He had been coming by a lot since we stopped. He had brought things he thought we needed. Dried fruit, some pretty cloth and a handful of eggs. Perhaps I have been too harsh in my judgment of Serge. Lei still refuses to acknowledge him which puzzles me.

He sat down beside me on the steps but said nothing, which was good. It was nice, for once, to have someone just sit quietly with me. It was only when he tried to take my hand that I suddenly rose, snatching my hand away and remembered how.. snake like he could seem. He left shortly after but not before he brought up a point I do not like to think about.

"It is only a matter of time Asria."

I paused on my steps and looked back at him over my shoulder; my eyes searched him for a moment. His implication was perfectly clear.

“Fonce speaks for me.”

I was not so naive that I had not sensed the tension between the two men nor was I foolish enough to refuse Serge on merely a feeling. I knew that soon enough I would have to let a man come into my life and if I ignored it I would end up with no say in who it was. Either way, I might not have any say.

“For now.” He replied before walking away. I watched him go with a sinking feeling in my belly. Serge was nothing like Trayu and nothing like.. anyone else I might have ever liked, even a little. I found something.. vacant in him, like a piece was missing from him. I did not think I would ever be able to fill that vacancy.