Soapy Fresh

Later, I felt a little badly about how I had pushed Yamka to confess her feelings to her warrior. Was I so eager to see others be as happy as I had been that I would push them thoughtlessly just to please myself? How could I be so annoyed by Fonce pushing me when I was only transferring it onto another?

I joined the women soon after the wagons stopped, Lei and were in good cheer, dusty and dirty as we were. Cana promised us baths and I for one was thrilled. True, there was no longer any man who would be pleased to see me fresh and clean and sweetly scented, but I found joy in being feminine even if only for myself. Somehow knowing I was doing it only for me made it that much more decadent. I wished I had some chocolates to share with the others that night as we bathed in the dimly lit wagon. Soapy bubbles and girlish giggles would float on the breeze to taunt those who walked past. Cana had been thoughtful to think of us. I am glad to have her as my friend.

Mezoo came too and gave Lei a perfectly mysterious cocoon. We put it carefully away in a jar and tied a bit of cloth about the top. Whatever winged creature shall come forth will not be able to escape until he is properly inspected. Lei named it .. Butter.

There is something special about Mezoo and perhaps I only think so because she is someone I consider family. Lei sees it too, she is not friendly with many people but she has chosen a small handful of friends... Fonce, Mezoo, Also. I see the connecting threads in them; there is a bond there that I am envious of. Or I was briefly envious of. As I sat in the bath I had the chance to think more then I would have liked and I realized that I was not without my own threads. I had tied Lei and I quickly to our friends, new as well as old, and I had no intentions of letting those threads grow weak. I am in a better place then I realize.

And I smell like juniper berries.

Yamka got the yellow ribbons to my amused dismay so I settled on the brown and tan and green ones. Colors of the earth, they fit how I felt tonight.. I felt grounded, my feet were firmly planted in the dirt, and the green in my eyes was the color of grass. My happiness tonight was the color of a desert lotus. When I left the bathing wagon, dressed again, my hair combed and dried and hanging neatly in two twin braids, the muted ribbons loosely woven in with the hair so they dangled prettily here and there.. I started to go to Fonce, I wanted to tell him how I was feeling. I wanted to explain myself to someone. I wanted to see him smile when I laughed at my own giddiness.

As I neared.. I slowed my steps. Why did I want to see Fonce? It was Trayu who I should have been missing and I did miss him! I stopped completely; my breath quickening and I felt the air around me grow colder. An angry kind of cold. The chill grew up dainty goose bumps on my bare arms and a sudden wind pulled at the ribbons in my braids dislodging one. It fluttered away to get lost in the dust. All the happiness had drained away from me and my dream, the hands trying to pull me down was filling up my thoughts. Something stopped me in my tracks tonight. I turned and hurried back to my own wagon. I felt terribly shamed .. and all because of the briefest of thoughts.

Fonce was not Trayu and I.. I had better get used to that.