Expectations

"You will have to learn now, Asria." The Ubar had said this to me a while back and it has been stewing in my thoughts since then. I do not even recall what it was he thought I should learn to do for myself, but I do recall the very acute sense of panic I felt. A sudden sense of loss. I missed my father, my brothers and Trayu. I missed all the men who had made sure that I was taken care of.

I know people see me as being a bit spoiled and it has been true. I was my fathers only daughter and had 4 older brothers. My father was perhaps not as hard on my mother and I, as most Tuchuk men would be. He was honestly smitten with my mother and had spoiled her, later he spoiled me. My mother is actually still alive and I see her now and again.. but we rarely speak and I will say she is dead if you ask me about her. I have my secrets.

So I was saying, my father cherished me. When the idea was brought up of seeing me in the Love Wars my father was filled with pride, but loudly refused. He would not risk what could happen to me, he felt I was too soft, too sweet for certain.. truths. I can see now that he did me a little bit of a disservice. I do not grease axles, I rarely get very dirty. I have higher expectations of the men in my life then others do. When they make jokes at the fires about Fonce being .. afraid of my pregnancy I roll my eyes. I have expectations of my guardian and I will not allow him to skirt them easily. He will have to work very hard to let me down.

I can see it on the faces of his friends, they want to shield him from .. I don't know what. My baby? My expectations? The shiny look in my eyes? I suppose it is my expectations. I expect a lot from Fonce. I do not think I have asked him for very much, I have not had too. Doesn't that mean something? He does not seem to mind my expectations, nor Leis.

When we need meat, it appears. When we need salt, it shows up. Catch has been filling water barrels and washing clothing. Considering how little I want to be bent over the stream and sweaty right now I cannot thank her enough. I did come across something.. special for her though. I asked Fonces permission to give it to her.

While the Warrior and I do not have many conversations around the fires, I still see him every day.

Hello how are you, I have not forgotten what I said. Thank you for the salt. I want to feel your hand on elbow again, on my back. Have a nice day.

My expectations of him are mingling with my hopes of him. They are not one and the same but they do hold hands. They are friends. Hope and Expectation.

This morning I showed him the jars of paints and brushes and the ladder I would not be climbing (The Ubar needs more wheels) and Lei came out dancing and singing about what we were going to spend the day dong.

We are going to paint our naked wagon.

I .. hope the message is clear.