After I left Fonce I hurried back to the main fires. There was a little storytelling going on and I was nearly distracted from my task. It was one of those now or never moments though and I was fully charged. The energizer bunny had nothing on me.
I had to drag him from the fires too, because this was not the sort of thing you bring up in mixed company, not yet. This was too shiny and new and too fragile for me. It went really well, we spoke briefly of what I wanted and what made me happy. I tried to explain to him that I was thinking too of the first fires and the tribe. The Ubar had no Singer and I thought that was just.. awful. I was excited to be something that was.. needed.
The Ubar.. has asked for my trust and I hate that I hesitate to give it to him. I hesitate though because I need the space of a moment to let Fonces words echo in my head. He trusts Ayguili to do what is right for me. If I do not trust ayguili then I do not trust Fonce, right?
And they women are complicated!
So I will trust in Fonces trust of Ayguili and tuck my mental hand in the folds of the Grays. It feels a little like walking off the edge of a cliff but here I am, ready to fall. I know part of this is because of what Seveya did. Ayguili wants to be sure that I will trust him enough to speak to him before I do anything.. rash. I do not think he has to worry though; I am not a rash woman. I do things slowly, in my own time. I poke and prod and taste before I dip my toe into big decisions.
Like this one.
Ayguili has given me a wonderful gift, he has offered me the names of one of the Tribes greatest singers. His Father. I am not sure what has made the Ubar suddenly see me as worthy of such a thing. I never thought he was a big .. fan of me and my ways.
Speaking of which, he has also assigned one of his men to look after my wagon. I suppose really that is to make me stop asking Fonce, which kind of makes me smile. It is not even I who asks Fonce for so many little things.. It is Lei. But I don’t discourage her at all. I am extremly thankful for the Ubars thoughtful consideration of me and my children.
There was some discussion of how much time I was spending at the fires with the others and some of my sparkle faded from my eyes. I have less free time to chat and sit then other women because I have more responsibilities.. untraditional ones. I asked if he had not seen the wild stampedes of children that had been visiting my wagon steps? When I was among the outer wagons it was less noticed and after Trayus death it slowed for awhile. Since I have been moved to the first wagons though it has picked up again and with fervor! Not a day goes by that I am not .. inundated with ragamuffins. Lei was in heaven with so many children about to boss around and I was .. what was I feeling? Fulfilled seems like such in inadequate word for the way it made me feel. I was, simply, happy. I spent countless hours caring for the widows children, of all our clans. I was teaching little girls how to mend and how to braid each others hair. I was amusing little boys with sweet cakes and tales of daring warriors who saved the day and returned from every battle.
Unlike their fathers. Unlike Trayi and Pacu.
I had been visiting Astar too, her gentle reassurance about my ideas was exactly what I needed. I spent an afternoon of washing with her and we spoke about them.. Trayu and Pacu. It was the first time we really did that, without tears or anger. Quiet memories. But that is for another day.
What I was doing with the children was extremely personal to me. I had not been given anyone to take care of, I had not gone and selected a lonely soul to assist for a short while. I just threw open the door to whoever chose to cross the threshold.. with muddy feet and dirty fingers and sad little smiles.
This was why my sparkles faded a little. If I had to choose between spending my time brightening the hearts of the fatherless or having tea with those I called friends? Oh don't even ask me to choose between the two, how could any woman make that kind of choice? But I promised to try harder, to make more time to see everyone.
"In a few days we will speak again." he told me. And then kissed me, his hand felt heavy and awkward on my shoulder as he leaned to kiss my temple like I was a wayward child and it made me smile. "And relax little Asria, things all come in the Sky's time."
I knew what he meant and nodded, my cheeks were pink and I had not unclasped my hands for most of our conversation. Before we parted he said something that lifted me right up again, made my chest tighten and my face brighten.
"Rest well little singer."
I had to drag him from the fires too, because this was not the sort of thing you bring up in mixed company, not yet. This was too shiny and new and too fragile for me. It went really well, we spoke briefly of what I wanted and what made me happy. I tried to explain to him that I was thinking too of the first fires and the tribe. The Ubar had no Singer and I thought that was just.. awful. I was excited to be something that was.. needed.
The Ubar.. has asked for my trust and I hate that I hesitate to give it to him. I hesitate though because I need the space of a moment to let Fonces words echo in my head. He trusts Ayguili to do what is right for me. If I do not trust ayguili then I do not trust Fonce, right?
And they women are complicated!
So I will trust in Fonces trust of Ayguili and tuck my mental hand in the folds of the Grays. It feels a little like walking off the edge of a cliff but here I am, ready to fall. I know part of this is because of what Seveya did. Ayguili wants to be sure that I will trust him enough to speak to him before I do anything.. rash. I do not think he has to worry though; I am not a rash woman. I do things slowly, in my own time. I poke and prod and taste before I dip my toe into big decisions.
Like this one.
Ayguili has given me a wonderful gift, he has offered me the names of one of the Tribes greatest singers. His Father. I am not sure what has made the Ubar suddenly see me as worthy of such a thing. I never thought he was a big .. fan of me and my ways.
Speaking of which, he has also assigned one of his men to look after my wagon. I suppose really that is to make me stop asking Fonce, which kind of makes me smile. It is not even I who asks Fonce for so many little things.. It is Lei. But I don’t discourage her at all. I am extremly thankful for the Ubars thoughtful consideration of me and my children.
There was some discussion of how much time I was spending at the fires with the others and some of my sparkle faded from my eyes. I have less free time to chat and sit then other women because I have more responsibilities.. untraditional ones. I asked if he had not seen the wild stampedes of children that had been visiting my wagon steps? When I was among the outer wagons it was less noticed and after Trayus death it slowed for awhile. Since I have been moved to the first wagons though it has picked up again and with fervor! Not a day goes by that I am not .. inundated with ragamuffins. Lei was in heaven with so many children about to boss around and I was .. what was I feeling? Fulfilled seems like such in inadequate word for the way it made me feel. I was, simply, happy. I spent countless hours caring for the widows children, of all our clans. I was teaching little girls how to mend and how to braid each others hair. I was amusing little boys with sweet cakes and tales of daring warriors who saved the day and returned from every battle.
Unlike their fathers. Unlike Trayi and Pacu.
I had been visiting Astar too, her gentle reassurance about my ideas was exactly what I needed. I spent an afternoon of washing with her and we spoke about them.. Trayu and Pacu. It was the first time we really did that, without tears or anger. Quiet memories. But that is for another day.
What I was doing with the children was extremely personal to me. I had not been given anyone to take care of, I had not gone and selected a lonely soul to assist for a short while. I just threw open the door to whoever chose to cross the threshold.. with muddy feet and dirty fingers and sad little smiles.
This was why my sparkles faded a little. If I had to choose between spending my time brightening the hearts of the fatherless or having tea with those I called friends? Oh don't even ask me to choose between the two, how could any woman make that kind of choice? But I promised to try harder, to make more time to see everyone.
"In a few days we will speak again." he told me. And then kissed me, his hand felt heavy and awkward on my shoulder as he leaned to kiss my temple like I was a wayward child and it made me smile. "And relax little Asria, things all come in the Sky's time."
I knew what he meant and nodded, my cheeks were pink and I had not unclasped my hands for most of our conversation. Before we parted he said something that lifted me right up again, made my chest tighten and my face brighten.
"Rest well little singer."
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