Black and White: Pink and Red

I heard, of course, everyone heard. That another woman had submitted to Fonce. I was sitting on my steps with a basket of sewing and the baby sleeping fitfully in a basket at my left hip. I made neat tiny stitches. It was a strange concept to me, submitting to a man. I have loved, and loved wildly, freely.. but I never wanted to submit to Trayu. In fact to do such a thing, I felt, would have dishonored him. Trayu loved me as a free woman, not as just 'another' woman.

But I do not think that is a fair comparison. Seveya submitted to Fonce, I assume because she thought it was the only way she could be his. I don't know why she would think that but.. I have to assume she did. Wasn't it selfish though, to make that kind of decision for a man? To refuse to bear his children and instead kneel at his feet? Or is it not selfish at all to take away his choice and make it for him, make it easier? Could selfishness be.. actually selfless?

I will never understand, I do not think I should even be thinking about it. Thinking about why a woman would submit to a man tarnishes my halo. It puts cracks in my pedestal. If I am even still on a pedestal. I sighed, my lips rubbing lightly against each other. The pile of sewing was growing as Lei, as I had asked her too, had gone to fetch the work of other women, widows like myself. The baby was so miserable so much of the time that I rarely left my steps.. I might as well help them out as so many had once helped me. Stockings, skirts, blouses, vests.. I darned holes and patched frayed knees. I kept my hands busy while I let my mind wander.

Could I ever give up my children? My freedom? For a man? For a man who might not even love me? Could I do all that and say it was for love?

Lei ran past me, following Also and giggling. One of her yellow ribbons came loose and fluttered to the step below my feet. I reached down and picked it up just before the wind tried to take it. The baby stirred, whimpered hungrily and I knew, without a shadow of a doubt.. that I never, ever could.. or would. Even if I had wanted too.. I couldn't. I had a place in the world, here on the plains, and it involved standing on my own two feet, not down on my knees in the dirt.

I finally had the answer to Fonces long ago questions.. what made me different then Seveya? Everything.

And that might ruin everything.